Time to confess and be brutally honest here….
Guilty! I’m guilty….
I’m so guilty of comparing my marriage to other marriages and my husband to other husbands. If you’ve been there, done that or are doing it now, raise your hand or say amen or nod your head- just acknowledge it in some way and let’s go and dig a little deeper here.
First of all, to make things clear, I’ve never desired to have a different husband but I’ve watched other husbands and how they treat their wives and I’ve thought to myself “oh, I wish Dave would do things like that for me..ohhhh, I wish Dave would give me that kind of attention out in public”…and so on. And same with other marriages. I’ve seen other marriages and what they ‘appear’ to be like on the outside and I’ve longed to have a marriage like ‘theirs’, for me to be the gentle submissive wife and for Dave to be the romantic, lovey dovey husband. OK. let’s STOP right there.
Enough entertaining those thoughts. First of all we need to take a quick look at what God says about coveting . One of the descriptions of coveting is to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others. So when I look at this, I’m reminded that when I’m desiring to have the life or the marriage that others have, I’m doing the very thing God tells me not to do….
Deuteronomy 5:21 commands us: “‘And you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. And you shall not desire your neighbor’s house, his field, or his male servant, or his female servant, his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.’
Now, let me squeeze in here that I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with seeing another healthy, godly marriage and wanting that for our own marriages. When we see others living godly lives, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to imitate them. Paul said of himself in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.” However, it’s not right or godly to desire and long for our husbands to be someone that they’re not.
That’s exactly what God has revealed to me. He’s opening my eyes to all of the amazing qualities my husband has. He’s a family man. He loves to spend time with me and with our children. He hugs me when I’m sad. When I ask him to help me with the children, he does. He helps clean up meals. He disciplines our children and when I discipline them, he backs me up. The list goes on and on but I’m sure you don’t want to read pages worth of my husband’s amazingness 😉 … so instead of focusing on all that my husband might not do right, I’m having a change of heart and I’m focusing on all the amazing things about him..and the more I do that, the more blessed I realize that I am.
It’s really not fair for me to expect my husband to meet all of my needs..and this is an area that I’m working on! Because I know that I’m to look to Jesus to meet all of my needs. It’s not fair nor is it scriptural for me to place expectations on my husband to meet my every need. Trust me! I’m still working on this! But I have such a gracious and patient God who is working all this junk out of me one step at time…
~Are there days when you find yourself focusing on all the negative things about your husband? Why not make a list of all the things you love about him. In this list include all the things you can think of no matter how small. Spend every morning going over this list- It will give you an attitude of thankfulness! And when we have a thankful heart, we have a happy heart 🙂
~Like me, do you sometimes (ok…alot of the times) look to or expect your husband to meet all of your needs? This week, why don’t we bring all of these needs to Jesus and ask Him to fill us with all that we need.
~If you’ve been comparing your marriage to other marriages or your husband to other husbands, take this time to repent and ask forgiveness. Ask God to come in a do a new a fresh thing in your marriage and focus on all that God has for the two of you!
Leave a comment below if you struggle with any what I’ve just shared. If we married women can all support and encourage each other, the devil is going to go running in fear when he knows how determined we are to stick together and work on our marriages! Let’s do this!
God bless each and everyone of you. Xo