Trust even when you’re afraid

About a week has gone by since this mysterious but frightening experience has begun.

Frist let me say, I’ve been sitting around worrying periodically and slowly but surly anxiety has tried to crop up on more than one occasion in the last week. Every so often an overwhelming peace will wash over me, only to come crashing down in another instant. And so today I prayed- “God, what do you want me to do with all of this? Tell me what you want me to do.” And at first I heard “trust me,” followed by “tell the everyone about it…and in doing so you’ll glorify me.”

And so here I am. There will be no fancy wording, no editing…just my story and what God is doing and leading me through.

And so here it goes.

A week ago, I woke up… onto week 2 of a mysterious cough (not to mention torn rib ligaments and thrown out back)…and I coughed. Then I coughed again…and that’s when it happened. I couldn’t take a breath in. I eventually gasped once, twice and my breathing resumed to normal. As scary as it was, I didn’t think much more about it.

And the next morning..same thing… cough, cough, and a huge struggle to get a breath. That little niggling panic feeling surfaced, triggering me to think something might be really wrong.

That night, I woke up in complete terror. I couldn’t breath- at all. I shot up in the bed and after about 5 seconds, I started to gasp inwards, breathing out was ok but every gasp inward was like trying to breath through a straw- the kind  on a juice box. The stronger the breath I tried to draw, the harder it was. The more I panicked, the worse it got.  My husband woke out of a deep sleep, fear in his voice “Honey are you ok?!” I couldn’t even answer him because I couldn’t breath let alone speak. Finally, air started to come easier but the fear didn’t fade. It was 4 am…I didn’t go back to sleep- couldn’t. I was too afraid. I began to research online and came up with this:

When laryngospasm occurs, people describe the sensation of choking and are unable to breathe or speak. Sometimes, the episodes occur in the middle of the night. A person may suddenly awaken feeling as though he or she is suffocating.  Some people will actually lose consciousness during these episodes.

As the airways slowly open, the person will make a high-pitched breathing sound (called stridor). The entire episode lasts only a minute or two before breathing returns to normal. But the experience can be terrifying.

I called out to Jesus. I began to pray this trough. I asked for strength and for healing. I gave Him praise and thanks for standing by my side through every trial. This one would be no different. That night I could not sleep until 3 am due to the fear of it happening again. I got up and sang praises in my kitchen, I read the pages of my bible, I talked to Jesus, I emailed my close friends asking for prayer and expressing my fear..as I did all of this, I couldn’t seem to find the peace I so needed.

I’ve spoken to 2 doctors who don’t seem concerned at all, but I’m very concerned.

This morning, a coughing spell has triggered 3 more of these episodes (not as bad) and I did my best remain calm and call on the name of Jesus.

This, I have determined is not a sign that my faith is weak. It’s a sign that I will choose to trust Jesus THROUGH the fear. I will be honest and open but not run from Christ as I face adversity.

If you want to join me on this journey, where God is taking me through the trials that I face, please do.

Please feel free to ask for prayer in the comments below. I will not allow this trial to keep me from praying for others and doing God’s will.

This is real life with Jesus. I’m going to declare health and wholeness for by His strips we are healed! But I will be vulnerable before others and before God and because that, I believe, healing will come.

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